


Dear Nee-nee

by ureshiiichigo



Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: Academy, Ambiguous/Open Ending, F/F, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-21 13:47:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2470454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ureshiiichigo/pseuds/ureshiiichigo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Dearest Nee-nee,</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>I arrived at the academy this morning, real early, and there was a guide to meet me at the spaceport, a mister Chen. He’s real nice, sort of quiet, and he smiles all the time. I think you’d hate him, but that’s because you’re a spoilsport.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Nee-nee

**Author's Note:**

  * For [slashmarks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashmarks/gifts).



> I wrote this fic for the 2014 femslash exchange, and I had a lot of fun with the style (epistolary with coded ciphers) and also the theme. This is a much darker fic than what I'm used to writing, but considering the nature of the canon, I didn't really want to write it any other way.
> 
> This was beta'd by the fabulous [percygranger](http://archiveofourown.org/users/percygranger).
> 
> This is set during River's stay at the Academy, pre-series. Spoilers for [The River Tam Sessions](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2V040BT0NkM) (warning for gore).

(There is a wooden box stored away in the far corner of the attic.

The box is dusty, apparently untouched for quite some time, and the lid opens with no small amount of resistance. Opening it reveals a stack of letters, hand-written in black pen on cream parchment. The creases have softened with age and frequent handling.)

Dearest Nee-nee,

I arrived at the academy this morning, real early, and there was a guide to meet me at the spaceport, a mister Chen. He’s real nice, sort of quiet, and he smiles all the time. I think you’d hate him, but that’s because you’re a spoilsport.

As far as first days go, it wasn't so bad. Mister Chen showed me round the dormitory and parts of campus. There's a garden that you'd like, I'd bet my boots, and a mess hall and scores of class rooms and medical areas and more. There's even a library! They have books from floor to ceiling - not just learning terminals, real paper books! We can even read them without asking permission as long as we don't take them out of the room. So you can probably guess where I'll be spending most of my time. When I'm not writing you, that is.

I was still feeling nauseous from the landing, so I couldn't eat anything when mister Chen showed me the mess earlier. Knowing me, you can guess how that crushed me. It sure smelled good. They had miso, and pickled plums, and even roast duck and fresh fish. Can you imagine, getting to eat fish? After how many times papa bragged about it from his army days? I hope they serve it again when I'm well.

It seems awful quiet for such a big place. Mister Chen told me I was lucky to get a room by myself, but he got all twitchy-like when he said it. I think he doesn't like lying to me, but he's afraid of something. I smiled when he said it though, and he settled right quick.

Maybe I'll get to meet more people tomorrow. I only talked to three people today. Well, four, if you count the girl. But I didn't exactly talk to her.

Anyway, give my love to papa. And you had better write me back, else I'll sic papa on you, don't think I won't.

Love,  
Your Bit-Bot

***

Dear Nee-nee,

I swear you have a one-track mind. All those things I mentioned, the library, and the garden, and the food, and all you think to ask me about is the girl I met.

So I should probably tell you about her. I know there'll be no end to your haranguing if I don't.

And before you ask, no, we’re not thick as thieves, she didn’t listen to my life story, or declare me the most interesting girl she’d ever met.

It wasn't love at first sight, either. She was pretty, far as I could tell, but I didn't get a good look at her face. Now hush.

She was sitting in the mess hall when I came in after my session with Dr Ross. Her back was to me, shoulders hunched, and all I could see was the way her hair fell in front of her face like a curtain, and how skinny her arms were as she snatched up kernels of rice between long fingers. I was just standing there, quiet as a mouse, and she didn't even turn to face me, but I could have sworn I heard her say, "I can see you."

It was probably just my imagination, though.

I asked her, "Hello?" but she didn't reply, just reached those long fingers back in her bowl of rice. I was just about to walk over when mister Chen came running in. He was all panicked, said he came looking for me in my room and when I wasn't there he got worried. Gave me that twitchy feeling again. So I went back with him, and he started yammering on about the next week’s schedule.

I haven’t seen her since. It’s been pretty lonely, actually. I wake up in the morning, go down to the mess, eat, take a shower, read and write if I want, then it’s off to see Dr Mathias. He’s one of the doctors here, proper medical ones. He’s been injecting me with something, says it’ll help me with the headaches. I haven’t noticed them getting any better so far, but he says it’s also useful for focusing on the puzzles they give.

I’m not all by myself anymore, though. There’s a boy named Parker, he came in just a few days after I did, and he’s excited about everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. You should hear him talk about the mattresses. It’s like he never slept on proper sheets before. And he keeps asking me questions about where I’m from and how old I am and if I’ve ever been to the capital. To be honest I’m getting sick of him.

Love,  
Bit-Bot

***

Dear Nee-nee,

I saw her again last night.

I couldn’t sleep last night, so I picked the lock (ever since I went down to the mess and mister Chen couldn’t find me, they’ve started locking me in my room at night) and crept down to the gardens. It’s eerie at night, when all the hall lights are turned down. Right now both moons are visible through the skylight, and the bigger one is this blood red color that gives me shivers. The good kind, I mean.

Anyways, I was just coming in when I saw this silhouette in the corner, half-hidden behind a cherry tree. I stopped dead in my tracks, afraid it was one of the nurses or mister Chen, but then she came out of the shadows, and the moonlight shone on her face.

She is beautiful.

She was so tall and thin, wearing a pale yellow dress, torn at the shoulder, and her face peeked out from behind her hair like a secret. Her eyes were shining in the dark, and I swear they were the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.

I took a step forward, and she just stood there, staring at me, her lips parted in a sigh.

“Who are you?” I asked, and she just shook her head.

“Go to sleep,” she said, “or they’ll catch you.”

I didn’t want to go, but the way she kept staring at me, it felt like she was looking into my soul, but not. Like all my feelings were spilling out of my head and into hers, only that’s not right, either.

You know how I said it wasn’t love at first sight? I think I lied.

Love,  
Bit-Bot

***

Dear Nee-nee,

Something’s wrong with Parker. He’s gone all quiet, and he won’t eat his food, just picks at it. His face has gone all sallow, and his cheeks are sunk into his face like he hasn’t been sleeping. When I asked him if he was okay, he just said not to worry my pretty little head about it. I nearly smacked him, but his eyes looked so scared.

I think he’s sick. I tried giving him half my sweet potato but he didn’t even touch it.

Mister Chen gave me a lecture about sneaking out of bed at night. He said the corridors aren’t safe at night. Safe from what? I asked him if there were monsters lurking in the shadows. When I scoffed at him though, he got all frosty and I got this bad chill, running down my spine.

Love,  
Bit-Bot

***

Dear Nee-nee,

I didn’t get a letter from you this week. I miss you something fierce. Write me back, will you?

I’ll write something longer when I have time.

Love,  
Bit-Bot

***

Dear Nee-nee,

I was glad to get your letter yesterday. I guess your previous letter must’ve gotten lost somewhere. You should make copies before you send, so if it happens again you won’t forget what you’ve written me.

I’ve been getting puzzles from Dr Mathias after my injections, to test if my concentration’s improving any. I was having trouble solving this one, so I thought I’d give you a chance to crack it. You are the smarter sister, after all.
    
    
         s   sas        e        e .  e   ens    e   ne
    日子女十女十一十女下言好小三女言子小田。小早小上十中下小中上小
    
         e      s           ea    e       a        , NESSA.
    好女水小花中月十子中月好大二小一二好小日中三田一三水女日、上小十十一。
    
     see     a            e  e ?    n          . e   en   
    十小小入子一日女大女大日子小田小？大中上日入中田田花。小早小上
    　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　
                     e       ,   s            e     .   
    日子中月口子花中月田小大月下二、女十日女好好好中早小花中月。
    

Things have been going well, otherwise.

Love,  
Bit-Bot

***

Dear Nee-nee,

Another puzzle for you, even though you still haven’t finished the first one, lazy.
    
    
         a         n         e   na m e.    s      e  .
    日中大一花女人中月上大中月日子小田上一下小。女日十田女早小田。
    

Keep writing me! All I have to do all day is solve puzzles and read, and there’s only so much reading a girl can do before she goes out of her mind.

Love,  
Bit-Bot

***

Dear Nee-nee,

Here’s another puzzle. This is a longer one, so it might stump you this time.
    
    
    p a r k er sb ee n m i ss i ngf o r th r eed a ys. 
    言一田水小田十二小小上下女十十女上口人中田日子田小小大一花十。
    
    i t hi n kh e s go ne . go n eg o ne,  no t e sca p e d.
    女日子女上水子小十口中上小。口中上小口中上小、上中日小十三一言小大。
    
    h e db ee n h av i ng t he s em i gr a in e sa n d
    子小大二小小上子一早女上口日子小十小下女口田一女上小十一上大
    
    t h e nig h t be f o re he di s a pp ea r e di   as
    日子小上女口子日二小人中田小子小大女十一言言小一田小大女入一十
    
    h i di ng o   ti n th e   ib rar y a n d it ho   gh t i
    子女大女上口中月日女上日子小好女二田一田花一上大女日子中月口子日女
    
    h e ar d sc r ea m i ng. i t hi nk i ha v e t he p  ac e bo,
    子小一田大十三田小一下女上口。女日子女上水女子一早小日子小言好一三小二中、
    
    n e ss a, b   tp a r ke rd id n t, a n dr i v er
    上小十十一、二月日言一田水小田大女大上日、一上大田女早小田
    
    d o e sn t, a nd i do nt k n o    ha tt o d o. i d on t
    大中小十上日、一上大女大中上日水上中入入子一日日中大中。女大中上日
    
    k n o    ha t to d o.
    水上中入入子一日日中大中。
    

I’m still in good health, but the puzzles aren’t getting any easier. Sometimes I wonder if the shots are doing anything at all. I’m glad to hear about papa’s new job, though.

Love,  
Bit-Bot

***

Dear Nee-nee,

I had my first kiss today. It was even better than you said it would be, even though our teeth did click together and I didn’t know what to do with my hands.

I’ve just been lying in my bunk for the past three hours, thinking about it. About her. Couldn’t sleep, so I decided to get up and write you.

There’s this wrong feeling in my stomach when I think about her, warm and achey all at once.

I think I’m scared. Is that right? Does it make sense to be scared of something good?

Love,  
Bit-Bot

***

Dear Nee-nee,

Dr Mathias said he’s worried I’ve been spending too much time with River, that she has episodes and they don’t want me getting hurt. That sometimes she lashes out and they don’t want me caught up in it. I know she won’t hurt me, but Dr Ross insisted.

When I asked if the shots they were giving me might make me get episodes too, he said not to worry. So I’ll be fine.

He also said she’s been here a lot longer than I have. Three years.

I hope I’ve learned everything before I’m here that long.

Love,  
Bit-Bot

***

Dear Nee-nee,

Sorry I haven’t had a puzzle for you in the last couple letters. I bet you’ll get stumped by this one. It’s the longest yet. I hope that you get it.

日中大一花女十一入田女早小田十三田小一下人中田日子小人女田十日日女下小。

女早小子小一田大子小田二小人中田小、一日上女口子日下中十日好花。火月十日好一十日入小小水十子小三月日子小田下一日日田小十十日中言女小三小十入女日子一水上女人小十子小十日中好小人田中下日子小下小十十。女三中月好大子小一田子小田十中二二女上口一十日子小花三一田田女小大子小田大中入上日子小三中田田女大中田。十子小入一十合月女小日人中田大一花十一人日小田。女大中上日水上中入入子一日日子小花大女大、二月日十子小日中好大下小女下月十日上日十三田小一下、中田日子小花好好三月日下小日中中。

女下上中日十言小三女一好好女水小子小田、日子中月口子。日子小女上火小三日女中上十大女大十中下小日子女上口日中子小田、下一大小子小田下中田小日子一上子小田十小好人、一上大女下十日女好好火月十日下小。女下大女十言中十一二好小。

日中大一花女入一十入女日子子小田、日子中月口子、入子小上日子小大中三日中田三一下小人中田子小田。入小入小田小十女日日女上口女上日子小好女二田一田花、日月三水小大二小子女上大日子小人一田十子小好人、一上大十子小十日中中大月言十月大大小上好花一上大田一上日中日子小人田中上日中人日子小一女十好小、女上早女小入中人日子小大中中田。女三中月好大十小小子小田女上言田中人女好小、日子小入一花子小田人女十日十二月上三子小大女上日子小十水女田日中人子小田大田小十十。

十子小十一女大、「女入中上日三中下小、」一上大日子女十二好月小口好中早小大子一上大田小一三子小大中月日一上大口田一二二小大子小田一田下。

女三中月好大上日子小一田入子一日日子小下小上十一女大、二月日女三中月好大人小小好日子小下、女上下花下女上大、一上大女日下一大小下小入一上日日中三月田好月言女上日中一二一好好。

日子一日入一十入子小上十子小十日一田日小大日中十三田小一下。

女日入一十十中好中月大、女日子中月口子日下花小一田十入小田小口中女上口日中十言好女日中言小上人田中下日子小女上十女大小十。女三中月好大人小小好日子小下田小三中女好人田中下女日、好女水小下女好水三月田大好女上口。上小十十一、女日入一十一下一見女上口。

二月日日子小上十子小十日中言言小大、十月大大小上好花、人小好好日中日子小人好中中田女上一子小一言、一上大女大中上日水上中入入子一日日子小花大女大日中子小田。日子小花日中中水子小田、上小十十一、二月日女大女大上日十小小女日、二小三一月十小女入一十子女大女上口好女水小一三中入一田大二小子女上大日子小十子小好早小十。

女大中上日入一上日日子小下日中大中日中下小入子一日日子小花大女大日中子小田。

Sorry about the water drops on the page. I guess I didn’t dry my hands properly last time I washed.

Love,  
Bit-Bot

***

(Stapled to the back appears to be a translated copy, in different handwriting.)

Today I saw River scream for the first time.

I’ve heard her before, at night mostly. Just last week she cut her mattress to pieces with a knife she stole from the mess. I could hear her sobbing as they carried her down the corridor. She was quiet for days after. I dont know what they did, but she told me I mustn’t scream, or they’ll cut me too.

I’m not special like her, though. The injections did something to her, made her more than herself, and I’m still just me. I’m disposable.

Today I was with her, though, when the doctor came for her. We were sitting in the library, tucked behind the far shelf, and she stood up suddenly and ran to the front of the aisle, in view of the door. I could see her in profile, the way her fists bunched in the skirt of her dress.

She said, “I won’t come,” and this blue gloved hand reached out and grabbed her arm.

I couldn’t hear what the men said, but I could feel them, in my mind, and it made me want to curl up into a ball.

That was when she started to scream.

It was so loud, I thought my ears were going to split open from the insides. I could feel them recoil from it, like milk curdling. Nessa, it was amazing.

But then she stopped, suddenly, fell to the floor in a heap, and I don’t know what they did to her. They took her, Nessa, but I didn’t see it, because I was hiding like a coward behind the shelves.

I don’t want them to do to me what they did to her.

***

Dear Nee-nee,

Last night River came to me. She said she was leaving tomorrow. I don’t know if I believe her. Nessa, I don’t want to be here all by myself.

I have to go, mister Chen is here and

I’m sorry. I can’t write right now.

Bit-Bot

***

Dear Nee-nee,

One of the students here went crazy and killed Dr Ross. Mister Chen says they had to make sure she was in a safe place so she wouldn’t hurt anybody else, and that they’re going to shut down the school for a few days while they transport her.

I asked mister Chen if I could go home, and he said I’d have to write you and ask. But I know you’ll write me back, Nessa.

Today’s shot hurt more than the others, though. I think maybe they’re changing my dose.

Love,  
Bit-Bot

(There are no letters following this one.)


End file.
